Hipster Union

I’m watching my Sunday morning news programmes which naturally are all discussing the 2008 Presidential election. And the best political quip (at least in terms of funniness) comes from Mayor Bloomberg, who does not wear a sash. When asked whether he will announce his candidacy for President, he responded with this brutally honest, almost Allenesque response:

How likely is a 5′7″Jew from New York billionaire who’s divorced and running as an independent to become president of the United States?

Well, I’m pulling for Michael Bloomberg. He’s pragmatic. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have run on the GOP ticket in 2002. Not only that, he’s pro-choice, pro-gun control, and anti-Iraq War. His position on congestion pricing shows he’s willing to do something about the environment even if it means pissing off voters.But most importantly, if he can be elected President, he will give hope to thousands of “short, stocky, slow-witted, bald men.” (more…)

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I guess nothing happened this weekend because the New York Times had an article about why Miss USA was booed at the Miss Universe pageant. Then again, looking at her (she’s second from right - neatly labeled “USA”), I’d probably boo her too. Her head is the same size as her waist. She’s a lollipop with boobs.  Uh-oh.  Now I made her cry.  It’s okay, honey. They weren’t saying “boo”; They were saying “Boo-urns.”

Miss Venezuela looks pretty hot. Mmmm…. Communist hotness. Who am I kidding?! A good stiff breeze would probably knock all five of them down. Mmmm…. beauty pageant contestant dogpile.  The New York Times correctly notes that Miss USA does not hold any official position in the government.

“She has no authority to declare war. She does not build border walls or round up undocumented immigrants. Those things are left to others, none of whom wear a sash.”

What?! Hold the phone. If I was President, I’d totally wear a sash.  Or a crown.  Or those fancy shoulder necklaces like Darth Vader Mustafa the Lion James Earl Jones wore in Coming to America.  Even if I was only mayor, I would still walk around all the freakin’ time with a sash that said the name of the office I held. Just like Mayor “Diamond” Joe Quimby or Mayor “Hypercholestolemia” McCheese.

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