Hipster Union

I just finished reading God Is Not Great by Christopher Hitchens.  No matter what he says, Mr. Hitchens is, to a certain extent, just as irrational as one who believes in a god.  After all, the existence of a god, being based in faith, is unprovable.  The same applies to the non-existence of god.  There is a fundamental difference between “I don’t believe in god” (agnosticism) and “I believe in no god” (atheism).  The difference is that the latter involves active belief in the nonexistence of god, which is, in and of itself, a belief in god.Nevertheless, he raises some good points and the book is worth a reading.  Below is the Christopher Hitchens-brand “atheism” list of Why Bad Things Happen To Good People (i.e. You): (more…)

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Did you know that there are other team sports other than baseball that are played in June?  Living in New York, I sure didn’t.  I thought the only two sports were baseball and which Yankees player can create the biggest scandal (Jason Giambi might be this week’s winner after admiting that he previously used steroids).  Evidently, there are two other sports whose championships are going on right now.  One of these sports is called basket-ball. (more…)

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I’ve updated my list of reasons why, if forced to choose between being a Pirate or being a Ninja, any self-respected 8 year-old should pick the Pirate option. Here’s the highlights, or you can read the full list under Pages.

• Pirates have a much cooler mode of transportation.
• Ninjas don’t get to use cannons.
• They don’t get to use guns either.
• A ninja missing a leg is useless. A pirate missing a leg is the captain.
• Two words: Undead monkey
• Dead pirates go to Davy Jones’ locker. Dead ninjas go to the city morgue.
• Han Solo was a pirate.
• Although Batman got hisself some ninja training, he quit the Brotherhood. The reason? ‘Cuz ninjas are pussies.
• Pirate movies are more fun than ninja movies.

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Last night, I went to see a friend play with the Woman which was unsurprisingly good.  I say “unsurprisingly” because Amy, the director (directrix?), is terrific and her productions are always good.  The other one-act in competition with Amy’s one-act was meandering and too loose for my liking.

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The air-conditioners have been on for about a week (the Woman’s freakishly-fast metabolism runs hot), we’re getting our first real summer rain, and I’ve been in polo shirts for the past five days. Even though summer is still three weeks away, it’s already here.

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I’m watching my Sunday morning news programmes which naturally are all discussing the 2008 Presidential election. And the best political quip (at least in terms of funniness) comes from Mayor Bloomberg, who does not wear a sash. When asked whether he will announce his candidacy for President, he responded with this brutally honest, almost Allenesque response:

How likely is a 5′7″Jew from New York billionaire who’s divorced and running as an independent to become president of the United States?

Well, I’m pulling for Michael Bloomberg. He’s pragmatic. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have run on the GOP ticket in 2002. Not only that, he’s pro-choice, pro-gun control, and anti-Iraq War. His position on congestion pricing shows he’s willing to do something about the environment even if it means pissing off voters.But most importantly, if he can be elected President, he will give hope to thousands of “short, stocky, slow-witted, bald men.” (more…)

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I guess nothing happened this weekend because the New York Times had an article about why Miss USA was booed at the Miss Universe pageant. Then again, looking at her (she’s second from right - neatly labeled “USA”), I’d probably boo her too. Her head is the same size as her waist. She’s a lollipop with boobs.  Uh-oh.  Now I made her cry.  It’s okay, honey. They weren’t saying “boo”; They were saying “Boo-urns.”

Miss Venezuela looks pretty hot. Mmmm…. Communist hotness. Who am I kidding?! A good stiff breeze would probably knock all five of them down. Mmmm…. beauty pageant contestant dogpile.  The New York Times correctly notes that Miss USA does not hold any official position in the government.

“She has no authority to declare war. She does not build border walls or round up undocumented immigrants. Those things are left to others, none of whom wear a sash.”

What?! Hold the phone. If I was President, I’d totally wear a sash.  Or a crown.  Or those fancy shoulder necklaces like Darth Vader Mustafa the Lion James Earl Jones wore in Coming to America.  Even if I was only mayor, I would still walk around all the freakin’ time with a sash that said the name of the office I held. Just like Mayor “Diamond” Joe Quimby or Mayor “Hypercholestolemia” McCheese.

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